No, I’m not really angry, but “ventings” just went so well with the word “vacation”!
Once I accomplished the excruciating task of disconnecting all the tiny cords of my busy life from myself, I was able to jet away to Florida for a nice relaxing vacation. Well, at least a vacation for me–Ryan works from morning til night at his meetings (since he is basically on double duty here at the convention) representing both Ohio and new physicians. But after Wednesday, he should be able to relax, too.
So, what I am getting to is this: I learned two interesting things while I was here (so far):
1. This applies to people with curly hair (which I have when I don’t brush it all out). I watched a video (well, a series of four short videos) on YouTube by a girl with curly hair who showed how to manage it. What she did was basically wash her hair (going light or skipping the conditioner). Then she drizzled Nexus Versa Styler in her hair. Then she sectioned off the top half of her hair with a clip and went through her hair systematically (working more Versa Styler into it as she went) pulling out thin sections and twisting them briefly. She then used a hairdryer with a diffuser to dry it (a diffuser in case you didn’t know, lets air circulate over curly air without making it “windy”, thus messing up the curl pattern). If you’re really interested, it is worth watching the videos to get the technique down. You can find part 1 (there are 4) here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7z1auvsAj0 and after you watch part 1, you can watch the other 3. So, even though I had neither Versa Styler or a diffuser with me, I decided to try it using the product I had–FrizzEase dream curl spray (note: I usually do use this product, but don’t twist my hair, I just let it airdry with less than wonderful results. . .) So, anyway, I tried it (not quite as carefully as she did it) and let it dry and it was amazing–the curls really did look SO much better. I had thought, what, how can this work? It seems counterintuitive to twist curly hair into strands, it seems like that would mess up the curl pattern, but basically what happens is that you are separating your hair into strands that can more easily curl up the way they want to. Otherwise, if your hair is just hanging there trying to dry like a sheet on the clothesline, it can’t do its thing and it turns into a mess, a frizzy mess. . .so I will be interested to try it with Versa Styler and a diffuser when I get back.
2. Second thing I learned. I got some self-help books from the library (I love those!) and one of those which I decided to read was called The Best Year of Your Life by Debbie Ford, who is apparently well-known for leaving seminars, classes and so on. Like most self help books, there was lot of fluff, but this one did have one chapter which I felt was extremely insightful. Well, first, let me say that the premise of the book is basically that you are responsible for your own life, that you should stop indulging in “no cookie zones” (dead ends) such as negative internal dialogue, excuses, blaming and so on. So, back to what I was saying about the insightful chapter. It was about how you should list everything in your life (such as projects, tasks and relationships) which are “unresolved” See, most self-help books don’t do that–you just focus on parts of your life you can turn into a new goal, but for me, it was helpful to think of all of those things as “unresolved” or “incompletions.” It is only by recognizing these and dealing with them that you can move into the future with a clean slate. So, for example, normally, people start out on January 1 resolving to “get in shape” which seems like a new, fresh project, but in reality, this has been tried before and you didn’t follow through and it is incomplete. So, as you might imagine, I had a lot of “incompletes” in my life. It is much more empowering and energizing to think of these things as things to finish, rather than as things to start. If you want to have a better explanation, you can get the book yourself, but I’m just telling you what I learned.
Incidentally, when I got to the chapter about developing a vision (and two specific goals to go with it) I couldn’t think of anything because I had put everything I might want to do into my “incomplete/unresolved” list. Finally, I decided that what I wanted more than anything was to align my spirit with God’s spirit, which, ironically, led me to the two actionable goals of 1) Let go of my own plan for my life and 2) Observe God’s spirit. Kind of opposite of what the book was saying about taking charge of your own life. So, I decided that I would commit to spending 20 minutes each morning studying God’s word and in prayer and that I would commit to sharing more deeply with both my husband and with a group of trusted friends.
This last one, of sharing with a group of trusted friends, is not something I normally do (even with one person for that matter), but after observing how impersonal our young adult Sunday school class is (not that it’s anybody’s fault necessarily) and how one of the couples can be having marriage problems for years and never have felt comfortable sharing this at church until things were at a crisis state, it really made me feel (and Ryan was really the one that planted this idea recently) that we should be caring for each other better and create a safe place for people to share their struggles, as well as their joys.
But in thinking more about that, I know that people are so complicated, things are always shifting and there is no way I can plan something for a group of people that will be neat and tidy. People’s emotions and struggles do not follow a linear plan. We may think we’re going to discuss a certain topic on a given Sunday, but that may not be where people are at. Or, even if we leave things open for sharing whatever is on people’s minds, chances are some people are not going to feel comfortable sharing in the group. So, really, a support group is not the answer to the problem. It comes down to a very individual level–we have to take the time with ourselves first to think about things, to share them with God–who understands us better than any group, no matter how supportive or compassionate–could. And be open, when the opportunity presents itself to seek out those who are struggling to listen and help meet their needs and to seek out others when we ourselves are struggling to talk and ask for help.
Well, anyway, better get back to making a photobook for Evan about his trip to San Francisco!
Thanks for reading–typing is a good way for me to “talk” to you, though I would like to get better at actually “talking” to people, rather than relying on words on a screen to communicate. . .
Oh, and remember to check out the hair videos (if you have long curly hair) and to make a list of the things in your life that are “unresolved” and come up with a plan to work on those. Then when January 1 comes along, instead of dealing with old business, you can start fresh with a brand new goal! 
